Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
