Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize