Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
