8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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