and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
