Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
