the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
a search helicopter?!
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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