Plan B is the new Plan A
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
