I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
