I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
