it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
