Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize