in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
