I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
