I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Randomize
