I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
