Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
