i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
