My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
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