Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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