I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
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