your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
BRING THE BAGELS
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
