worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
