don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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