I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
These tits shall not be calmed
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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