Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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