The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
