I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Randomize
