His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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