apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
