I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
