ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
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i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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