Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
