Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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