I'm really into asian looking animals
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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