Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
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