Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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