dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
