Your dad touched me again.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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