new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
