where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
