I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
