My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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