Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
