Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize