I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
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