You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Come see our sink grown plant.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
