would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
