I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize