Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
