How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
