she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
