I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
