i don't really know how much tequila is too much
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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