yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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