It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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