butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
