i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
