A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Randomize
