my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
