guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
