I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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