wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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