i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
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