i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
