I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
