All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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