The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize