Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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