garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
