I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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