Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
