If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
