I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
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