I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
