the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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