our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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