Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Never underestimate the power of titties
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
