we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
