found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
