I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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