how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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