Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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