just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
