who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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