I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
