apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
