a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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