You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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