I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
