I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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