PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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