i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
