i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
