So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize