you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
