I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
