if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
