i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
