well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
