Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
And then he peed in my hair
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