Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
